Surgeon

Shortly after I had my car repaired, the mechanic who fixed it asked me to bring it back. I watched as he opened the bonnet and removed a tool he had left behind. In a conspiratorial voice I said, 'If you were a surgeon, I'd sue for malpractice.' 

'Yeah, but if I was surgeon,' he replied, 

'I'd charge you for having to go back in.'

'Jesus saves.'

Jesus and Satan were arguing over who was better with computers. Finally God suggested they settle it: each would spend two hours using spreadsheet, designing web pages, making charts and tables - everything they knew how to do. 

The two sat down at their keyboards and began typing furiously. Just before the two hours were up, the thunderstorm knocked the power out. Once it came back on, they booted up their computers. 

'It's gone! It's all gone!' Satan began to scream. ' My work was destroyed!'

Meanwhile, Jesus began quietly printing out his work. 

'Hey, he must have cheated!' Satan yelled. 

'How come his stuff wasn't lost?'

God shrugged and said simply, 'Jesus saves.'

Editing

People don't like to look fat in their own snapshots, which is why my husband, a professional photographer, gets a lot of request asking him to retouch photos. So I wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, ' Can you take ten kilos off me?' until she added, ' And put it on my sister?'

Online Shopping

In these days of teenage Internet entrepreneurs, it's easy to forget, when shopping online, that you may not be dealing with a large, highly organised corporation. I recently e-mailed one website to enquire why my goods had not arrived a week after I had paid for them. A little later, I received a charming telephone call. 'Sorry for the delay,' said a young male voice. 'I'll check and get back to you. I can't access the Net at the moment because my mum's doing the vacuuming and this room only has one socket,'

Call

While my wife was in the gynaecologist's busy waiting room, a mobile phone rang. A woman answered it, and for the next few minutes, she explained her symptoms to the caller in intimate details, and what she suspected might be wrong. 

Suddenly the conversation shifted, and the woman said, 'Him? That's over.'  'Then she added, 'Can we talk about this later? It's rather personal, and I'm in a room full of people.'  

Why does Caucasion babies' and children's hair get darker as they age?

Our hair colour is determined by genetics, but in some cases Mother Nature chooses to not reveal our ultimate hair colour until well into adolescence. During infancy, the melanocytes, skin cells that mark and deposit pigment, are not fully active and don't understand exactly why hair darkening occurs in fits and starts throughout childhood and adolescence. Dermatologist Joseph Bark, author of Skin Secrets: A Complete Guide to Skin Care for the Entire Family, wrote that the eventual darkening of hair colour seems to be a 'slow maturation process rather than a hormonally controlled process associated with the "juices of puberty", which causes so much else to happen to the skin of kids.'

As is often the case with medical questions that are curious but have no practical application, the definitive solution to this Imponderable is likely to remain elusive. As dermatologist Samuel Selden celebrates: 'I don't believe that much study has been made of this, and until that is done, it means that armchair speculators like myself can have a field day with answering questions like this.'

Why can't hair grow on a vaccination mark?

A vaccination mark is nothing more than scar tissue. A vaccination causes an inflammation intense enough to destroy the hair follicles in its vicinity. Any deep injury to the skin will destroy hair follicles and cause hair loss. One can tranplant hair onto a vaccination mark, but one can never bring a dead hair follicle back to life.